Senior year is coming... but first junior year and a pandemic.

The summer before my junior year I took a 4 credit biochemistry class that met at 8 am, Monday-Thursday, basically for the entire summer. Straight after class, I would head to work as a receptionist assistant and every other day I would also head to my second job as an animal research caretaker. Between both jobs, I was basically working full time, but that's what it took to pay my rent, bills, and other expenses so I did it; however, it would be one of my biggest regrets. I was definitely not in the right mental state to be taking on so much, especially when I didn't stop to take any breaks and hang out with friends. I would head into downtown Milwaukee once in a while to buy something here and there, but I never once hung out with anyone. I was extremely lonely and stressed, which aren't good companions of each other. At work everything was fine, it was the biochemistry class that was my doom. The professor was terrible, but I had no choice but to take the class if I wanted to stay on track to graduate. I would study for hours but never seemed to do well on the exams (like at all), regardless of how hard I studied. It eventually came to a point where the final exam was coming up and I was crying and having mental breakdowns on a daily basis because I dreaded taking the exam. One day I called my older sister and told her about it and bless her heart that she listened because at that point I just needed someone, anyone. When I was done telling her everything she asked me, "what would make you happy, taking the exam, or just not taking it?" I had never allowed myself to consider the option of not taking the exam since I was not used to failing, but my sister opened my eyes to that. I eventually accepted that even if I fail this class I can still find a way into med school, yes it might be a little tougher, but not impossible. The next day was a Friday and I was heading straight to work, but on my way in I passed the therapy center and as a last-second decision I walked right in and made an appointment to talk to someone (luckily it was a free resource for students). My therapist, Jodi (a literal angel) helped me from that point all the way through first-semester junior year. She helped me accept the fact that I am pursuing a difficult degree at an amazing school, with peers that are all brilliant (since we all got accepted into this school), and that it is okay to not be perfect or at the top of my class because not everyone can be. In the end, I took the final exam and passed with a C, but I plan to retake it this year, my senior year, to try and get a B or better (with a new professor and mindset). 

The summer of 2019 was by far one of my lowest points thus far in life, but I realize now that I needed it to happen in order to continue forward with my life. If I never experienced that feeling I wouldn't know what to do once I make it into med school (it's going to happen one day). When I work as a physician it's not going to be an easy path and I need to learn to balance both my responsibilities and my mental state in order to give my all. 

Now junior year, this is where things get interesting. March, the second semester, it was the end of my spring break and the COVID-19 pandemic hit. In-person classes were canceled temporarily (though it would end up being the rest of the semester). All my classes had to be taught online: English, Epidemiology, Human Physiology, American Sign Language, Marketing, and Physics 2. English and ASL were pretty easy since we never really had class anymore, everything was simply done independently and we didn't interact with the professors at all. Marketing was a little more hands-on since we had a group project that we still had to do, but other than that it was simple enough. Now epidemiology, physiology, and physics were where things got much harder. I would either do assignments well in advance or forget about it until the due date (or with physics, I'd just forget about the homework completely sometimes). Although I had all the time in the world being locked up in my apartment alone and only going to work at the animal lab for a few hours every other day, things were tougher since all my motivation was gone. I'm not sure how exactly I managed it, but I got 5/6 classes with A's and 1 (physics) with an A-. I was ecstatic when I got my grades back because I was utterly terrified that I had failed something somewhere, especially since the last three classes I mentioned didn't change anything, they were still equally as difficult as pre-COVID. 

I am now about a month away from starting my senior year and things are already looking to be different. About 85% of my classes are online and the classes I do have in person are looking to be either really small that we don't have to worry too much about social distancing or they are so large that we now have class in our union ballroom in order to stay as safe as possible. I even ordered 3 new masks off of Etsy in order to have a larger mask collection so I don't have to worry about misplacing one or having it be dirty and need to be washed ASAP. The other major thing that is different is that we are starting classes earlier and ending all in-person classes by Thanksgiving and taking our finals online remotely. I'm not sure what exactly this year will hold, but I'll just have to wait and see from the comfort of my apartment since that's where I'll be most of the time.